WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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