There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
