I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
