Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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