Duck Duck Cougar?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
