Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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