Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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