You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
