maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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