My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
there's paper in my vomit.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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