About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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