saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
