its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
