Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
