i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
