Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
