I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize