the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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