I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
