you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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