My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
