So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dignity is for republicans.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
