she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
