Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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