You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize