chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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