if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
