My cat gives me a boner
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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