So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
