I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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