porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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