dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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