you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
