Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
