I hate all girls vehemently.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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