nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
