Define "chronic" masturbator.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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