i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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