Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
