I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
