...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
