So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
