did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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