I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
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can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
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It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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