and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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