fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
