Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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