how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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