literally had 100 drinks last night.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
