I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
