i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Let's paint friendship bongs
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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