I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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