oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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