The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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