You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
