so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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