Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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