I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
